


totally wasn't worth it

by clumsygyrl (thegirlthatisclumsy)



Series: Trope Meme September 2012 [7]
Category: Bandom, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Panic! at the Disco, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, I Don't Know Either, M/M, Secretly a Virgin, Threesome, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-21
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 17:37:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/517811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlthatisclumsy/pseuds/clumsygyrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But you're a rockstar! That's patently unfair, man," Darcy slurred and Clint nodded. He had no idea just how much he'd had to drink, but it was enough that he had lost where his tac vest had ended up and he was pretty sure that whatever was in that apple that the kid had passed him to smoke was grade A stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	totally wasn't worth it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Schuyler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schuyler/gifts).



> For Schuyler the exact request looked like this - "#6 [secretly a virgin] with, like, anyone. Clint? Darcy? Brendon?" So, my answer was obvious - threesome.

"But you're a rockstar! That's patently unfair, man," Darcy slurred and Clint nodded. He had no idea just how much he'd had to drink, but it was enough that he had lost where his tac vest had ended up and he was pretty sure that whatever was in that apple that the kid had passed him to smoke was grade A stuff.

Passing the piss test for alternative substances was going to end up making Coulson's forehead vein do that weird pulsey thing again.

"What pulsey thing?" The kid asked and his glasses were skewed and his hair was standing up in two different directions.

"The vein, in his forehead all big and red. I think it's UST. He wants to fuck Legolas and is repressing," Darcy said and she patted Brian's face with a sticky hand.

"Man, UST is hard. It's the Unresolved part that I've had to deal with... with for forever!" Ben groaned and his face fell forward into Clint's lap. That was nice of the kid to keep his pants warm Clint thought.

Clint patted Buford's head. "C'mon, Billy. Let's go have sex. Then you won't be a virgin."

"His name is Brendon. He's in a band. I picked him up at a rest stop because his band forgot him," Darcy said succumbing to the lure of Jose and started just drinking straight from the bottle. "He looked so lost and sweaty and sad sitting there in his stupid hoodie. Leaving him woulda been like leaving a sweaty sad puppy."

Brendon kissed Darcy on the lips and nodded. "You are a nice lady. Also, you have amazing tits."

Clint poked a finger into Brendon's cheek. "She does. But you know who has an amazing ass?"

"Me!" Brendon's hand shot up and he slapped Clint in the face. "But you have really nice arms. I want to lick them."

"Get in line, kid," Darcy said and she leaned over to squint at Clint. "If we fuck him, can I call dibs on a threesome with you and Coulson to be redeemed once you grow some balls?"

Brendon groped Clint's dick. "Darcy, he's got balls, I can feel 'em!"

Darcy and Clint exchanged a look. Clint held out his fist and Darcy bumped it with the tequila bottle. "Okay. We're totally fucking a rockstar together. That's like a bucket list thing."

Clint dragged them both up by their belt loops and headed for the nearest motel. "This mission report is going to have a lot of editing."

"I'm totally riding his dick. You can fuck him," Darcy said and (wo)manhandled the giggling Brendon into the car.

\--

"That was pretty awesome," Brendon said voice rasping and he buried his face in Darcy's cleavage. They were all sweating and sated. Clint was still wearing his undershirt and Darcy's panties had never quite made it off her foot. Brendon was completely naked and looked quite comfortable.

There was a blooping sound from the floor.

Then two more sounded.

Clint scooped up three phones and divvied them up. He sighed and grimaced. "Coulson wants to know why I am on TMZ."

Darcy squinted at her phone. "Thor just sent me vague Middle English-y sounding threats to you and Brendon via SMS. He wants to know if we're having a triad handfasting. You should prepare for a battle for my virtue."

Brendon squeaked and he sat up and pulled on his shirt. "Oh god. Oh god. I'm going to die."

Clint and Darcy both looked unimpressed.

Brendon held his phone out and winced. "Pete Wentz just sent me a text message with a smiley face and a link to tumblr."

Darcy flipped through her phone. "Pete Wentz? Huh. We have a file on him."

Brendon's eyes widened. "What?"

"Alien royalty and all that. I should have known you'd be one of his," Clint muttered and then groaned. "Coulson is going to kill me dead this time."

Darcy patted his head and she put her fingers under Brendon's chin and shut his mouth gently. "Put on your pants, kid. The morning's going to be bumpy."

Brendon whimpered and buried himself under the covers.

**Author's Note:**

> Canonically Panic! at the Disco has NOT left any members of their bands at rest stops. My Chemical Romance, however, has often left Ray Toro behind. Also, I have no idea if Pete Wentz is really alien royalty. If he is, then that explains a lot.


End file.
